so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize