how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize