**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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