i think my mom watched the whole time
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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