The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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