we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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