So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
