barbara walters just said penis...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.