My friends, they love my intelligence
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.