we're blogging at a bar
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN