Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
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I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
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A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.