i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
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Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?