Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
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I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
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In other news, I just burned my penis
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.