Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.