Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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