Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
