i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
