As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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