i don't like sucking hair
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
