I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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