I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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