don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
