We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.