when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
my poor anus
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?