Your face is a jimmy john
My room smells like vodka and shame
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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