My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
