i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
