Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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