I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
