Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
