pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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