Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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