4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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