It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
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I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
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You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.