Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.

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  (917): I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer. http://tfl.nu/px5x
  Replies (1) Good night (559) Bad night (878) Order T-Shirt
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  (916): View more from California

  come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.

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  (916): come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too. http://tfl.nu/xgxr
  Replies (8) Good night (4049) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow

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  (989): i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow http://tfl.nu/zmy7
  Replies (11) Good night (1976) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.

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  (760): so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig. http://tfl.nu/u35s
  Replies (12) Good night (1750) Bad night (4803) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways

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  (203): I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways http://tfl.nu/010i
  Replies (14) Good night (1155) Bad night (4868) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub

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  (817): And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub http://tfl.nu/i3vc
  Replies (7) Good night (897) Bad night (3144) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.

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  (304): He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect. http://tfl.nu/54k7
  Replies (15) Good night (5852) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
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  (209): View more from California

  Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas

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  (209): Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas http://tfl.nu/u2nh
  Replies (11) Good night (3038) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.

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  (706): Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat. http://tfl.nu/kq42
  Replies (4) Good night (2259) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.

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  (575): Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits. http://tfl.nu/8qqe
  Replies (7) Good night (1835) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up

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  (540): Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up http://tfl.nu/xh5q
  Replies (18) Good night (990) Bad night (2561)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.

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  (503): I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs. http://tfl.nu/skdm
  Replies (6) Good night (519) Bad night (1345) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way

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  (407): Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way http://tfl.nu/o4pg
  Replies (19) Good night (2094) Bad night (416) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?

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  (734): But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know? http://tfl.nu/qpnv
  Replies (14) Good night (521) Bad night (996)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!

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  (630): Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law! http://tfl.nu/y27z
  Replies (1) Good night (459) Bad night (201) Order T-Shirt

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