My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
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I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
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I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed