He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize