You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We're too hungover to prance.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize