my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
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My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
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there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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