my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Randomize
