Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
