Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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