Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
