just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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