dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
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My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
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I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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