everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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