we're blogging at a bar
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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