You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.