I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap