STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
