Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?