You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
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i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
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You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.