Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
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Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
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I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way