alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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