Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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