i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize