sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize