I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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