whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
