Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
