Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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