the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest