That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!