I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
i think my cat just said my name.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
