So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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