So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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